A Look Through Thiseye

“You got a new friend, well I got homies.
But in the end, it’s still so lonely.”

Last night I dreamt that I would get to be with my true love in the
afterlife… but not before then.

As frequent users of Facebook may have noticed, the popular social-networking site has added a feature to suggest friends to other friends. This is useful if, say, Friend A doesn’t know that Friend B is on Facebook. Unfortunately, this feature is currently limited to new friends only; you can’t recommend friends to those that are already on your list of friends. However, I’ve discovered that with a little URL hacking, you can get around that quite easily. >:-)

1. Open the profile of the friend that you want to suggest friends to. The URL at the top of your browser should read something like this: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=123456789 (with possibly some extra stuff at the end)

2. At the end of the id string, type (or copy and paste) the following “&suggestfriends” so that the address looks like this: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=123456789&suggestfriends
3. Hit <enter>, and there you go! Suggest to your heart’s content!

I hope everyone reading this (that’s you!) has a wonderful 2008! Personally, 2007 was an up and down year … my back injury left a scar on the early part of the year, May brought amazing times in Vegas, and July brought 2 of the most memorable weekends of the year in the Indian/Nepalese Heritage Camp and Wyoming. September had to be one of the best though with trips to Crested Butte, Buffalo Creek, 3 concerts at Red Rocks including Muse (the best concert I’ve ever been to), and lots of drinking for some reason. And just to keep the world in balance, October was bad … real bad … with relationship issues and weeks of illness, but it ended with a fun, relaxing trip to Dallas where I tore up some expensive cars on the closed courses at Taste Of Lexus. November to mid-December were also really good times in terms of relationship, volunteering for Habitat for Humanity and finally deciding to go to college! And here, the last few weeks of the year have been kinda tough … having 12 days off with most everyone out of town, going through some tough times and making some realizations about myself and the relationship that I’m in.

So what a rollercoaster of a year! … I suppose that’s how life is. I’m optimistic about the new year, though. I feel like the building blocks are in place for it to be a great year for me! In the meantime, the year changes, but the resolutions remain the same: workout more, figure out what I want to do in life, and find someone to share it with.

And no, I wasn’t blogging on New Years Eve … this was a post from my cell phone (as noted by the “mobile” category on the post). In this particular case, I composed the post beforehand, and posted it from my phone. Yes, I’m a dork.

(and yes, I recognize the irony of the title of this post)

So most people who know me know that I have a tendency to overanalyze things. That said, has anyone else ever thought about the greetings that we give each other during special events such as birthdays, anniversaries and (particularly this time of year) holidays? We say things like “happy birthday” or “merry xmas” or “happy new year” … but are we really saying anything? Sure it’s the thought that counts, but grammatically, these are really incomplete thoughts. A noun preceded by an adjective does not a thought make (man, my grammar teachers would have a field day with that sentence ironically enough). Everyone would agree that “cordless phone”, “blue diamonds” and “purple horseshoes” are phrases that do not make sense by themselves. So in my own weird way, I usually try to extend the normally used phrases into complete sentences: “Hope you have a happy birthday” or “Have a great new year”. Still, when I have to think fast, I admit that I go with the shortened form. I guess in this fast-paced world of portable yogurt and drive-thru liquor stores, it’s too much to ask to take the time to form a complete sentence. I mean, you wouldn’t say to your friend “Great trip!” before they go on vacation, would you? Or tell your girlfriend “Red rose!” on Valentine’s Day and expect her to understand?

Ever notice that Gmail doesn’t have a “view unread messages” option? Well, I figured out an easy way to find all unread messages. Simply type this into the search field for Gmail: “label:unread” … voila! All your unread messages. Similarly, I tried “label:chat”, and that gave me all my chat archives. Of course, you could always click the “Chats” link in Gmail to see this same information, but this is useful from my cell phone because for some reason the mobile version of Gmail and the Gmail java app don’t allow you to easily see your chat archives. Try it out!

Update: You can actually abbreviate “label” with simply “l” (that is, an uppercase or lowercase “L”). So, “label:chat” becomes “l:chat”.

I’m at a bar, and I’m finding that I can’t be on my feet for too long because my back’s weak because of the brace. This sucks.

It amazes me how materialistic people can be. Everything in this country is about getting the bigger, better, faster, more powerful, newer whatever. Does this really make people happy? Actually, I know it does for some people, and that, to me, is rather interesting. I mean I have a decent car, a decent home that I own and even a nice TV. I consider myself pretty well off, but I don’t really get pleasure in buying things or upgrading. Even with the TV that I bought a few months ago, I second-guessed afterwards whether I really wanted to keep it. I mean, I know that I don’t need it. For how little I watch TV, it is excessive. But my open living room necessitates a large TV. But I’ll admit that my place is too big for me, too. So excessiveness begets excessiveness. I really think that’s what happens to a lot of people. I bought this place as an investment/nicer place to live than an apartment. I have an extra bedroom that I use only because my computer is in there. That could easily be in my living room. I bought couches because I suppose that’s something you have to have, but I don’t use them very often. I have a bar so I bought bar stools that I never use. What else am I going to do with a bar if I don’t get stools for it? I bought a dining table that I never use. Again, what am I going to do with all that space if I don’t buy a table for it? I have an extra bathroom that is completely unnecessary for me besides convenience. Only on a few occasions have I had guests that used the tub in there.

That’s what I see in my life. What I see in others makes me shake my head. I know it’s nice to spoil yourself every now and then, and I can certainly understand if there really is a benefit to the excessiveness. But how often do we convince ourselves that “it’s worth it”? Is it really? I think a lot of people aren’t true to themselves when they ask these questions. At what point does it just become a symbol of your social status? Do you really need that eight-passenger SUV? How about that 400 horsepower car? Wouldn’t something that gets, say, more than 20 mpg make a little more sense? But no, this is not a country of sense. This is a country of flashiness, of having the best, of making your neighbor green with envy. I still don’t know what happiness is, but I know that it’s not found in big houses or fancy cars … at least not for me.

Okay, so here I am. I should be getting my brace off in a week or so. However, I want to mention a few more thoughts about my accident:

The Cruelty/Irony

• Not being able to play ultimate. I’d been so excited about throwing the disc around and playing. Even the week this happened, I was trying to get a group together to throw around because I had the itch. I even told Leon that I wasn’t sure about going to Echo Mountain that week because I kinda wanted to throw around that day. I had even signed up for one league and verbally committed to playing with my friends in another before this happened. I should be getting a refund soon in the league I had signed up for, at least. And my other team found a replacement. I’ve been going to throw around with friends recently, but without being able to run or jump, it’s really not the same.

• We were on the lift at Echo Mountain when I told Leon that perhaps we should’ve just put off coming there until the following week since we were planning to go to Vail Saturday, and I was probably going to go boarding Sunday and/or Saturday. I told him it’d be unfortunate if we got hurt. I don’t think I knocked on wood.
• This is kind of a stretch, but I always log off my computer at work because we’re technically supposed to. I found out that a lot of people don’t, but I still always did. That day I went to Echo Mountain was the first day I decided not to log off.
• I had finally gotten into a decent workout regiment before this happened. I was going to the gym somewhat regularly (still not great, though), doing exercises at home pretty regularly and getting lots of protein. I was starting to work my abs in addition to my upper body. I didn’t have a well-defined six-pack yet, but if I stood the right way, you could see them coming in. The abs are more or less gone in my five weeks of inactivity. I’m curious what kind of shape I’ll be in after another month or so when I can finally run and do stuff.
• Weather – The average high temperature here in the twenty days prior to my injury: 35°F – most of this winter has been pretty frigid for this area. Coupled with the massive amounts of snow we received in the city, it made it very difficult to do anything outside whereas normally, it’s not unusual to be able to go out for a run or whatever every few weeks.
  The average high temperature here in the past month: 58.5°F … the past two weeks 68.5°F … both well above our average for this time of the year. Beautiful weather for ultimate, running, volleyball, even boarding … but alas, I can’t enjoy it.

• Weather Part 2 – What’s worse about the weather is that my brace is rather warm. It’s like having an extra layer. I started out wearing a t-shirt underneath it, and long-sleeve shirt over it when it was still a little cold. This was like having three layers. As it warmed up, I quickly realized that was not going to work, so I started wearing the brace without a t-shirt and eventually had to start pulling out the short-sleeved shirts. Unfortunately, I have a lot more long-sleeve shirts that can fit around the brace, so lately it’s been a little difficult finding a shirt to wear. Even still, I get really sweaty if I happen to be outside in the >60° weather. It’s kinda gross, so I can’t even bask in the weather.
• Weather Part 3 – I got a handicapped parking tag thinking that if the weather continued with the snow/ice, my trek to work from the parking lot every day could get hazardous. Moreover, it’d just be nice to not have to walk ¼ mile from my car to work in the freezing cold. But, my parking spot has been more or less useless, and I’ve even parked out further so I can at least get a little exercise. At this point, it sounds like I’m just whining (and maybe I am), but getting a handicapped spot was the one few bright sides of this ordeal.
• The day of the incident, I sent my boss an email saying that I was heading out early that day, but that I’d still have all my hours in for the week even though I was taking Friday off, too. That of course, did not happen.

Okay, so I make it through the night fine. Sleeping in the brace actually turns out to be not too bad at all. I consider going in to work later in the day Thursday but am rather embarrassed about the whole situation and don’t really want to deal with all the questions. So I stay at home, although I considered going in after hours to avoid contact. Cyndi calls me to see how I’m doing. Apparently the rumor mill was abuzz even though I told John and Leon that I probably won’t want to mention it at work. I’m kinda glad they did, though, because that was less I had to deal with when I made it in. Apparently, the stories of me describe me as a “superstar” going off those jumps before my little incident. I balk at that kind of talk: considering how it ended, it was an embarrassment, not something to brag about … no matter how good I was doing before.

I decide to go to my dodgeball game that night even though I couldn’t play. I think the main reason I went was to start dealing with the questions and being in public with the brace. Unfortunately, we had a low turnout that day, so a lot of my friends weren’t there. I consider going in to work on Friday because a lot of my friends at work were going to Vail for our annual lab ski trip so that’s less I’d have to face, but I decide just to stay at home. I drive back to the hospital to get my x-rays for my appointment with the spine specialist later in the week. That was quite a scary experience not being able to turn my neck to check my blind spots or back up, and I decide that I should not be driving short of going to work and back (I’m pretty close to work, and I can take small roads without too much traffic). As news spread, all my friends were very generous with their offerings of help. I guess it didn’t really all hit me until Saturday night when we went to go see a play. I was driving to Leon’s place, and I’m not sure what happened. I just thought of everything I like doing, and how I fucked it all up by getting hurt. About what could have happened and what may still happen. I wiped my eyes and composed myself as I approached my friend’s place.

Sunday, at the suggestion of D, I hosted an impromptu Oscar party. Surprisingly, my place was already pretty clean, but I managed to do the rest before everyone came. We had a pretty good turnout, and it was a fun time. I was surprised there was enough interest in the show and just hanging out that we never pulled out the boardgames that we had planned. And then came Monday …

My first day back at work. I was eager to get back to work but was still not excited about dealing with the questions. I was also self-conscious about the brace though I had been out with it during the weekend. Monday was not good for me though. Just walking the halls to my desk was upsetting as I got the obligatory stares. I just sat at my desk and didn’t want to leave. I wept for the second time as I just couldn’t deal with everything. Cyndi and Shannon came by later to see how I was doing, and I couldn’t even look them in the eye. I eventually returned to my normal self, more or less, by the end of the day, but there were still a lot of questions. Apparently, John and Leon had kept everything a little low-key at my behest. Unfortunately, this meant I had to deal with “What the heck happened to you?” and other random comments. I was a little curt at first to these comments. When I realized how few people knew of the details, I started composing an email to the group … a FAQ, if you will. Here’s what happened; I don’t know how long I’m in the brace; yes, I have to sleep in it; no, I’m not in pain, etc. By the end of the day, I decided not to send the email figuring it’d trigger more questions and possibly come off as rude. I also considered putting up a sign at my desk detailing what happened because I really didn’t want to talk about it, but I got over that.

One thing that I can’t come to terms with is that I got upset when some people showed sympathy. Not like my friends or coworkers, but random people. I feel like an ass, but I could seriously do without random person X saying, “Sorry about your neck,” or whatever. I mean seriously. I’ve never met you. Are you really being sincere, or do you just feel obligated to say something since you’re staring? People try to be nice but don’t realize that they’re not really helping. Note to readers: when someone’s hurt, stares and comments like, “Boy, I bet that’s uncomfortable,” don’t really help. If you have nothing to say, save us both the trouble and don’t say anything. Don’t feel the need to say something with the intent of showing sympathy but ends with you coming off as an ass, and the injured being reminded of his/her situation. Again, I feel like a jerk for thinking this way, but that’s the way I feel. We were out for St. Paddy’s day this weekend, and this one guy had an even bigger brace than me, and my friends were pointing him out to me. I’m assuming they thought that’d make me feel better in some way. Once I realized what they were pointing at, I averted my eyes and got mad at my friends. I’ve always been one to not make a big deal of such things, but I’m a little more cognizant of it now. I reminded them how shitty it feels when you catch someone staring. Surrounded by drunks, I had already dealt with a lot of ass-holey comments that night. This has been an eye-opening experience … like those events where they get people to move around in wheelchairs to see how it feels.

So going back to that first week: I got used to the brace and the comments, and work was somewhat normal. I had avoided telling my parents knowing that they would worry,. But I was scolded by several people when they heard that I hadn’t told them, so I called them Monday night. I must’ve sold it to them well because they were okay. I wanted to wait until I had more details Thursday, but that was too long to wait. That Thursday, I had my follow-up appointment. The more I talked to people, the more I realized how little I knew … how long I’d have the brace? Would I be ready for ultimate at the end of March? Would I be able to board again this season? So I was eager to find out more and have a person to ask questions to. I had braced myself (no pun intended) for having the brace for about three weeks and kinda taking it easy for a couple of more weeks after. John Martin seemed to think that I might get the brace off at my follow-up.

The follow-up was bittersweet, however. The x-rays showed that I was healing nicely, and he wasn’t too concerned about the injury itself. He said that had I never come to the hospital, I still probably would’ve healed fine, but the brace was just to ensure that it healed properly. He also said that I was told incorrectly and that there was no harm in turning my neck sideways and that I didn’t need to wear the brace to sleep. The bad news was that I’d have to wear the brace for five more weeks and not have any hard physical activity for three months. So I was pretty upset about that. I was fine until I was driving back to work, and I couldn’t stop crying. I guess I just wasn’t ready to hear that, though I thought I was. I quickly calculated three months would be mid-May … so no spring ultimate and no more boarding this season. I went back to work and emailed my ultimate team that I wouldn’t be able to play. I tried to work, but couldn’t focus. I took a walk around the building to calm down, but then just went to my boss to tell him I was pretty upset and that I was going home. I left without talking to anyone else and went to bed. My dodgeball team tried to get a hold of me to see if I was coming that night, but I was in no mood. I just turned off my phone and slept. After that, I’ve generally been fine. I called my parents to tell them the news, and I composed an email that night to all concerned friends/family with an update.

Wow, it’s already been a month since the incident. There’s still a little left to be told, though, so stay tuned.